I’ve Finally figured it out…
Princesses flowers and butterflies
Let me see the sun set and riseTell me these lies,
that force my eyes To search for them as if they exist
Teach me at a very early age that the more it hurts , the more I should persist
Because ..that , is a test of love
Prince charming and frogs and lullabies
And wizards who grant wishes and quiet cries
I need my pumpkin on 22’s to take me off into the sunset
Until my knight in shining armor arrives my fairy tale isn’t done yet
So I will wait , patiently Because I know this is meant for me
Meanwhile I will do my best not to recognize
The fault in the lies
And watch time fly , past my ignoranceAnd thru my future
There are no sutures for wounds with immeasurable depth
Cause by the theft Of reality and realistic expectations
Hell all this damn time I have been waiting
And waiting ..for humming birds to sing me songs
And a fairy God mother to come along
And grant me favor in a pretty white dress
And give me all of the answers to pass loves test
And fill my life with blue skies and perfect weather
As I exist in a utopia of Happily AFTER ever.. Since ive waited for EVER
These untruths have left me void of purpose
Just wandering thru “relationship” after “ relationship”
Knowing that I deserve the ONE and he will arrive by 11:59PM
And every dude I seem to pick isn’t him
And right about now I am pretty darn upset with that fairy heffa
However, she is no where to be found
When Im singing Mary J Blige “Im going down”
Eating ice cream and sipping wineWhile I pour the remains of my heart out to my girlfriends who are tired of hearing this crap for the infinite # of times
IM!!!
Finally fed up
And I know that tears are inevitable I will cry them
No fairy’s will follow me around to dry them
Kleenex and the seams of my shirts will do the trick
I know that Mr perfect does NOT exist
And so I don’t wear watches monitoring time
Picking apart every line
In my horoscope that says THIS month is the time for me to settle down and he is going to be at star bucks in a blue shirt Totally waiting for me to give him the eye
AHH I’ve got it now.
There is no trick ,
no secret #s to pick
To get …the love that I yearn
I have to patiently YET proactively wait my turn
And once I conquer desperation….the battle is half won.

hOpeLeSS rOmAntIc

rain storms and clouds
and crying out loud
is hard to be heard
the farther the words
go deep in to your throat
and you nearly choke
dying to hear I love you
trying to be loved first
rain clouds, hurrican winds , tsunamis
cant quench the thirst
of a soul seeking redemption
or a mate
as flickers of debate
began to arise , i find myself at teh end of loves demise
almost every time
i open and close my eyes
and I cant figure out why
I
havent had the luck
that others display
on that every single day , basis
all in each others faces
kissing
and holding
and laughing at little inside jokes
that are so internal
they invade me with envy , and leave me desperate to take part in
the two hearts in ...the depths of laughter
I am After
that tangible in your hands
taste like forever
we werent meant to be together
but we loved each other enough to make it work
stand by you even when it hurts
wake you up early for work
have a surprise for you when you least expect it
reveal my flaws and you , accept it
staring at me while I am sleeping
falling in love by just thinking
and needing to have me , like a routine
type of love
am I thinking wishfully?
well if so then , wish for me
the patience to await my hearts desire
that the longevity of loneliness doesnt drown my fire
and that my eyes will look in the right direction to see
what in this life is only up for grabs, or For me to keep .

Im a Home owner!!

I am so excited to share , That I bought a new house today.This means so much to me on so many levels for so many reasons.Im not sharing those yet.However I am so thankful to God that a "Bad " situation resulted in this. And that I am blessed at the age of 25 as a single parent to buy a home. I signed teh papers on an extended lunch break from work today. I was so excited then nervous after all was said and done. Saturday is my appointment to pick out EVERYTHING for the house; Colors , details everything! Im nervous about that.It is very hard for me to focus when there are too many options before me. Im so happy to be able to give my daughter a back yard. I hope that its complete before her birthday ! mmm... If not there is a park there where she can have her party!

She LOVES THE PARK!

Im infinitely grateful to God for the things that he has done in my life. And Saving me from my own stupid mistakes.However thats another personal blog. Im so happy! YEAH ME!!!