The Unjust Obligation

I love her like…Like I have to ,
Like I am good at pretending And sending Mixed signals
That others cant read
Not knowing the self imposed obligations of me
I love her Like we….never were close
Like we were distant strangers Looking familiar like anger
And tears and pain
And silence because I love you was never said
I love her like ..love was dead and Every now and then I threw a rose at the grave
I love her like ships shackles and cotton to slaves
Its what I know but…not what I need
an unmasked inevitable shameful history
I love her like…That’s what took too long for me to learn to love me
I love her like this poem makes sense to you
Like it makes sense to do
All of the unnecessary things that I’ve done
Because I really LOVE Those who don’t understand
And If I just was who I am
Then they would judge me
Maybe …they , would not love me
So I “love” her....In quotations like a paraphrase
More like a plagiarized performance Mastered at a young age
And weary of rehearsal
I love her in reverse so…Im so far behind where I should be
The distance provides comfort
For long I have envied the examples of love that danced between us and mocked our incapability
I hated that I was not that redeemer of that “anytime you need me unconditional because I am” type love
But instead Got that , “at my convinced because I am lonely and there is no one else type” love
And Now I prefer no love at all
And for that I am guilty
So ..to evade the shadows of shame casted,
I …Love her like im “supposed” to
Until I don’t have to Anymore..